La cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point numéro deux


	December 27, 2005

"So Cold" - Breaking Benjamin

This past Christmas has been the best fucking Christmas. Ever.

'Best fucking' as in coming right out of Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas and not 'best fucking' as in Care Bear Powerpuff, mind you.

First of all, I got to see my aunt and uncle and cousin who never come down because they're all married to this weasel thing that they call a ferret. My personal feeling about animals in general is that we should slay them, cook them, and then make super expensive designer clothing manufactured in the sweatshops of Malaysia out of them.

But that's just me.

In any case, four years of not seeing them has apparently made them a little loopy. Or alcoholic. Of course, not in the 'beat your wife and kids until your spouse cuts your penis off while you're drunk' sort of alcoholic, but the 'let's buy our beloved relatives a nifty cool barware set' sort of alcoholic.

God, I love family.

It's too bad for us that we're Asian, and, as Asians, we have nothing in our house that we could possibly make a good tasting mixed drink out of. All we had was some beer, wine coolers, sake, and rice liquor that consisted of 80% alcohol. And, while it is great and humbling to be in the presence of something so alcoholic that three shots could make you roll over and start foaming at the mouth, it does not provide us with a good opportunity to use our new barware set.

It was also too bad that it was Christmas and no store was even remotely near opening. But somehow we managed to convince a few of the legal drinkers to take us out to search Russian potato alcohol anyway. Of course, we didn't find any. But when we got out of the car, we saw a shooting star.

It must have been God's way of reassuring us that he'd find us another means to get drunk despite our horrible predicament.

So then my cousin and I thought: well, how bad could rice liquor, orange juice, club soda, and limes taste?

And our answer: very bad.

But it was late at night, we were watching this awful movie that American critics actually applauded (figures, Americans really have no taste when it comes to martial arts movies), and we were bored out of our wits.

So we stole the rice liquor from the china cabinet, mixed it up with a shitload of fruit juice, and just started downing away. Now, rice liquor is not vodka or tequila. No, rice liquor is the kind of stuff that St. Bernard dogs would carry around with them on their necks to shock frozen over humans stranded in the middle of a winter wonderland out of their stupor if it were cheap enough. Needless to say, it tasted like shit. But we just kept drinking.

It was for the sake of Baby Jesus. I swear.

So my cousin and I got totally shitfaced. In the basement. Next to my 8-year-old sister.

And then things started to get a little weird.

You see, my cousin is female, two years my junior, and my cousin.

And. She kissed me. In a not-so-friendly-cute-innocent way. All of which would be fine as I have no problems with kissing a girl.

Except. She's my cousin.

What did I do, you ask? Well. I just kept eating Belgian truffles as if nothing had happened.

Luckily, absolutely nothing came out of it, and I'm just going to blame it on the fact that she was drunk.

However, let's just say that I will never, ever think of Belgian truffles in the same light again.


	lettres d'amour

Omgosh, you're HILARIOUS. I love your style of writing. I never met a Chinese person that writes like you. I admire your unique-ness : )

Sounds like you had a pretty interesting Christmas. Seems like alchohol makes everything a whole lot more interesting for you LMAO. There's no shame in kissing your girl cousin, just use that 'drunk' excuse you made : D


	Daisy

I guess people tend to do silly things when they are high on alcohol, because they lose their inhibitions and sense of what they're doing.

Like you, I love Christmas because I get to spend time with my family and relatives. After all, they get a day off from work and we congregate together for some activities.

Anyway, Marry Christmas to you. :)

Brenda

woah thats kinda freaky, but i guess it was all under the influence of the alcohol. did she remember kissing you the day after? guess not huh.lmao.

vanessa

haha ROTFL! it must have felt very weird and wrong. haha. urm MERRY post-christmas. have a good new year ((:

yu li

Omg. I can't believe she kissed you!? Thats weird haha. Hopefully it WAS because she was drunk x_x;;

Bree

sounds like you had loads of fun!

nice webiste, later.

David

ROFL!!! i can't believe that actually happened! and i agree, americans are the stupidest people not only when it comes to movies, but we are the stupidest people. period.

p

Merry X'mas to you! Am glad you had fun. I spent my x'mas using the computer having a long headache. x.X Geh, its bad isn't it. Lol.

Evone

Wow. Your Christmas is far superior to mine. If only I had cousins I could get drunk with. The upside to not having cousins like that is that it rules out the possibility of them kissing you.

Happy Post-Christmas Pre-New Year's Eve.

Arielle

yes, copious amounts of alcohol always seems to lead to things you hope the other person doesn't remember the next day.. *ahem*

candice

Your blogs are always long but awesome, which is awesome, because ...er, they're awesome. XP

I'm glad you had a nice Christmas...weird, but nice. XP

Giselle

Haha, I love your commentaries. But ouch for the animals.
Anyhow.....sounds like you had a interesting christmas. In any case, there's always something awkward in the family. ie. I made out with my brother, I saw my parents have sex, I fingered my uncle, you know. Weird shite. Can't blame you for being weirded out though.

Jen


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