La cœur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point numéro deux


	June 3, 2006

"Subterranean Homesick Blues" - Bob Dylan

Sometimes shit just happens.

Like how I got into a car accident a week after I got my license. Or like how I conveniently decided to smoke so much marijuana that I felt like exploding. Or like how the third time I decided to trip on dex, I ended up puking my guts out and scaring away all the girls in my dorm by wailing, "The ELEPHANTS! The ELEPHANTS!"

Or like how I'm now stuck between two men, one of whom has a sexy brain and the other of whom has a sexy body. And neither of whom I want to turn down.

The fact of the matter is that I am an apathetic bitch, and, it seems that only other apathetic bitches have any luck in dating me. First of all, I don't do 'googly eyes' unless if I'm on some sort of drug. Second of all, I don't do 'commitment' unless if I've been shot between the eyes, and in that case, the only thing I'd be committed to would be my casket. Third of all, I don't do 'calling' because that sort of girlfriend shit is just lame in my opinion. Other things that are decidedly not in my job description: faithfulness, hand-holding, sweet nothings, roses, candy, romantic dinners, Valentine's Days, and the list goes on and on.

Just take your normal helpless and weak woman, drain her of all the things that make you vomit, then fill her back up with absinthe, and that'd be me: rude, crude, and hard to swallow (and perhaps a little green too).

My biggest problem, above all, is my inability to stay faithful, which, is also directly related to my inability to stay sober. Let's face it: I love alcohol. Alcoholic beverages make me squeal, slur, swerve, vomit, and hook-up with unsuspecting men who suddenly become beautiful upon completing my fifth drink of the night. What's not to love? Unfortunately many men don't see things my way. Women are supposed to be meek and kind and nice and somewhat ignorant of the life they're wasting by being nuns.

So going back to my initial problem here: I am at a crossroads.

I could keep on getting drunk every weekend and kiss random men whose names I don't even remember and then come back to my very intelligent but equally apathetic ex-boyfriend who will then accept me with open arms. Then we'd go back to the bedroom and discuss the chastities of various popes mixed with a healthy dose of sex.

Or.

I could actually do the lady-like thing and commit to a nice Christian sort of guy who hates lying and unfaithfulness, would expect me to dote on him every minute of the day, and never have my eye stray from his pretty blue ones. We'd be the sort of lovey-dovey couple you'd like to shoot with a shotgun, just wreathed in a cloud of marijuana smoke and hugging inanimate objects while on LSD.

The difference between the first scenerio and the second scenerio is that one is accepting of my primal nature to have fun with other people whereas the other is much more attuned to being social and being with me while drinking/smoking/doing various other illegal activities. But. The second one would probably kill me and then some if he caught me kissing another guy.

Dammit.


	lettres d'amour

Good girls aren't always so good, it's just that they hide their badness.

You should do what you feel is right for you, and if that includes alcohol, then fine. The day you wake up and think that you don't want to live a life like you do, then change it.

Vous parlez francais?


	Anja

1. I'll respond with something random about you
Awesomely cool

2. I'll challenge you to try something
Um... not drink alcohol for a month? I'm sure you could do it, but I'm also sure that you won't do it.

3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
Orange! (hide layout)

4. I'll tell you something I like about you
Cool Asian that does what she wants

5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
Your layouts at Kashiori Designs

6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
Tiger - cause you seem ferocious and cuddly cute at the same time...

7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
... ... Don't really have anything to ask. But, I do kinda want to know how fast can your liver break down alcohol...

8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours
You don't have to do it, cause you're too cool for that.

jessica

damnit sorry. my browser was fucking up. sorry for the duplicates!

kara

mmm. maryjane.

but, no -- i agree with the first comment from arielle. just take it easy and enjoy life. once you figure everything out things will shape up and you will know what you want and what you want to be a part of your life. don't take life too seriously or you'll never have any fun. enjoy life for what it is -- yours.

Kara

You're not getting any younger, just do what you feel is right. You can get a nice, steady, monogamous relationship when you're old. Why waste your youth not doing what you want?

Arielle

I think there is one thing that you need to know, and it;s that drinking, doing drugs, it doesn't make you bad or hard to swallow, or any less kind that anyone else. Those are choices you're making...which might even be hiding other things lying in there ;) I just don't understand this need to seperate yourself from "good" girls, what is a good girl anyway, and who cares? I hate it when people call me that, I am who I am and I do what I think is right. Just try to break away from stereotypes a little and I garantee you, you will find out who you are.

Dora

^^ and what a great idea that is. You must have thought of it! ;D

Phaedra


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